How are you? No, really.

The bouquet of aromas wafting off of my perfected tk-touch stew fills my kitchen as I mindlessly stir with an audiobook keeping me company.  Completely caught off guard, I shrieked as I saw a face in the doorway of my living room, which was received by a chorus of giggles.  Joshua, Nathaniel, and Francis had paid me a visit to see if I was feeling better.  They apparently walked right through the unlocked front door after I had not heard their knocks and “tippy!” shouts.  After hugs, I told them to NEVER do that again.  “Always wait for someone to answer the door regardless of if it is unlocked!”  They continued to giggle and hesitantly nodded with some comprehension.

I’ve been sick for the past few days, riddled with aches and fatigue.  The luxury of being able to guiltlessly lie in bed with nowhere to be and nothing on the agenda but recuperation, strikes me as I realize I haven’t left the house in two full days.  Even being sick is better out here.  I know that if I was truly hit with some debilitating illness, I could send one text message and people would be at my door with medicine, food, and kindness.  Though at home I know I could count on my roommates to pick me up some soup on their way home, I would also be aware that their own busy lives consume them and asking them to help would be asking them to go out of their way.   As I write this, I got a knock on the door and opened it to find that the two youngest boys (Richard age 7ish and Michael age 6ish) had pushed Yaw in his wheel chair from the centre, up the bumpy dirt road, all the way to my house.  They stopped by for a mere five minute visit just to check how I was doing, and then made the arduous journey back under the HOT hot sun at the peak of daylight.  They were my third set of well-wishing visitors of the day.  Though having unexpected company can get a bit tiresome at times (ok, as I just welcomed my fourth visitor while writing this post...a lot tiresome at times), the community aspect of this beautiful culture overwhelms me with warmth and love.  As I mentioned in my first post, even the practice of sitting side-by-side in silence reflects the togetherness that is so rich here.  Now that I have learned how to set boundaries and have informed my beloved family here that I require alone time and privacy at home, I have been able to fully appreciate the beauty of fellowship.  

People genuinely care for one another and will go far out of their way to help someone who needs it.  It seems that their honor and integrity is at stake and they will do nothing short of bend over backwards to accommodate even a stranger.  I was struck by this first when in Accra with BB.  Not unlike many major cities I have traveled to, we were bombarded by dudes wanting our hands in marriage and peddlers pushing just about anything in our “white” faces for about three times the fair price.  The way that these folks did differ was that they were extremely generous and helpful once put on the spot.  BB would yell, “No, I will not marry you, but why don’t you make yourself useful and tell us where the OA bus station is.”  Without missing a beat, the boy-man would point us in the right direction and would ceaselessly explain how to get there until we would nod with understanding.  One man, who started out hitting on us, ended up changing his tune once he found out we were lost and gently walked us all the way to our location and hit the road after we gushed our gratitude.  The people here take their title of “West Africa’s Friendliest Country” VERY seriously.  Sure, there are baddies here just like everywhere else in the world, but there is this apparent sense of pride in an individual’s goodwill.  I have experienced thoughtfulness and compassion from people I have only known one short month in ways that are rare at home.  At first, I was confused by these phone calls I received from people I had met in Accra or boys who had shipped off to school, that simply had one purpose: to see how I was doing.  At home, we rarely pick up the phone to call someone, and if we do, we make a big event out of it.  Phone calls become phone dates that require precious blocked off hours in our busy schedules.  If we see our phone unexpectedly ringing, we assume something life-changing has happened that prompted such an extraordinary action like speaking voice-to-voice over our texting/internet machines.  We are even annoyed when we receive a phone call that’s purpose could have been communicated through a text message.  But here, this is not the case.  People will use their precious purchased credit to pick up the phone and ask how you are doing.  They have been wondering about your adjustment and wanted to make sure you are fine.  TALK ABOUT CULTURE SHOCK!  People I spent maybe a few hours with were thinking about me and genuinely care about my well-being, something that is not awarded at home to anyone outside of our dear friends and family.  This sense of consideration emanates through every interaction, down to greeting every person you pass with the time-appropriate phrase.  Though there is a script of greetings with learned responses, if you met “how are you” with an actual reporting of how you are in fact not doing so well, you would not be looked at with awkward annoyance, but genuine compassion (then followed up with phone calls and visits until you assure you are feeling good again).  Actions of thoughtfulness are not done expecting any sort of congratulations of being a top-notch friend or even reciprocation.  I reflect honestly and realize that I’m even guilty of this kind of kindness from time to time.  I know that if I go out on a limb for this person during their time of need, they will certainly do the same for me or at least feel guilty if they are unable to do so.  That confession sits like hot rocks in my stomach.  All this not to discount the beautiful and rich friendships I am beyond blessed to have at home and the endless and unconditional love of my family, but to explain the difference of the responsibility people feel they have here towards what we would call strangers or acquaintances.  The benevolence you receive here is not earned with time or shared experience, but granted right away.  I haven't had the ability to test these relationships with time, but I hope there is depth beyond this friendliness where true friendship (as we know it) can blossom.

As I thought I’d surely be wrought with loneliness while “alone” in this foreign country, aside from one or two days in the beginning, I haven’t really had room for its full glory.  I’m most certainly not ruling out its future visits, but as of now, loneliness is somewhere else, haunting some other poor soul.  My family of personality-filled boys and the couple solid friends I have made are making sure I am feeling loved and cared for.  Did I not come here so I could care for these boys?!  How turned around this has become.  As much as I knew I would never be alone with my expert-level friend-making skills, I sincerely believe even the most socially challenged person couldn’t and wouldn’t be all alone here.   I am able to have all the solitary time I need while knowing friendship and conversation are one quick walk or phone call away--the best of both worlds.

A slumber party turned goof session under the baobab tree and stars during a blackout

pretending to sleep

Thank you for your prayers and good energy towards ensuring I find community here, as I know that's what is coming to fruition here.

Love from Sandema,

Tippy