“Calm down!” was my mother’s default phrase for me while
growing up—almost like a joyless nickname.
As a child, I was bouncing off walls, talking to anyone that would
listen (and anyone that wouldn’t for that matter), and was overly affectionate
with everyone. I was this raw,
unrefined, jagged mass of energy akin to a slobbery Labrador puppy. Thank goodness my parents aren’t of the “medicate
and sedate” variety or I’m sure my, what I’ll call “creative ‘artistic’ energy”
(that euphemistic moniker needs two quotes) would’ve been drowned in Ritalin at
an early age. Instead, they let me talk
to myself in the mirror for hours and do community theater while their strict
Korean parental gaze admonished me to stay in line. My parents were worried I’d be abducted as I
attempted to make friends with every passing stranger with very little
discrimination or awareness of risk. The
adjectives shy, quiet, or meek have never been used to describe me in the
history of my life, which is probably no surprise to anyone reading this. I fought this rambunctious nature as best as
possible and quickly despised constantly being called loud and obnoxious
(mostly by my older sister and her friends whom I worshiped and annoyed the hell
out of) but didn’t know how to stifle my love for interacting with people and the
energy I received from it. Since birth,
I was the purest extrovert one could be.
During various moments of my life, I yearned to be the sweet,
soft-spoken, mysterious girl of few words, but could never pull the act off for
more than an hour five minutes. I
have always been drawn to quiet people as I'm convinced they hold the
secret to the universe or at least some colourful musings, but as a boy-crazy girl I also saw how
the boys looked at these sweet girls of mystery and not knowing how to compete,
I’d just punch the boy to get them to notice me (yep, I was that charming girl you
all know who punched boys). I’m sure you
can imagine how well that went over.
My fearless extroversion did serve me well in many ways as I
traversed a couple tough moves (one in the beginning of middle school and the
other in the beginning of high school), but was also knocked down a peg when my
affability was countered with the cruelties of wicked adolescent female
trolls. Through many different
experiences and personal transformations of growth, my energetic mass has been somewhat
refined and slowly cut into a discernible shape. I’ve learned to abate the frenetic
hyperactivity and more than gladly give up the spotlight on most occasions. This was never
about getting attention (as much as my parents think it’s some youngest
child cry)—it has always been about
my love for people. Being in the company
of others is where I feel the most alive and grounded. That hasn’t changed much, but the quality of
the company has. As someone who
basically forces friendship upon every helpless passerby who peaks her interest,
I have made many friends along my journey.
But with life’s growing demands, I have become much more fastidious with
the company I keep. My extroversion has
always favored one-on-one deep connections, though I do love myself a
party. As I have gotten older, this preference
has grown stronger and I spend most all of my free time on friend dates
with dear keepers of my soul. Most of
the “party friends” or drama-mamas (and papas) have been phased out with my flashy
high heels and traded in for worn-in comfy lace-up leather boots (and friends
equivalent to my trusty kicks), though I do love to throw my heels on every
once in a while. Through this shaping of
my relationship with others, my offering of every free moment to be with those
I care about hasn’t changed. I’d find
myself feeling unable to turn down a dinner date, a weekend trip, and most of
all—the emotional needs of a friend, even if my body and mind ached for
quiet. My beloved roommates teased me
about my social schedule while trying to get into it so even time at home was spent
giggling with girlfriends. I wasn’t sure
how my life got that way, but for the most part I couldn’t see how it could be
any different. I was always going to put
my friends and family over my own rest and that was that. Unless I decided to move to rural Africa or something.......
Being away from all of the beautiful relationships I have at
home, I had to start over in a sense. I
have made a few friends here and there and thoroughly enjoy the people, but
things are different here. The other
volunteers I have encountered and grew great fondness for have all come and gone with
their short-term visits, and the amiable and generous Ghanaians I’ve met are all
willing to lend a hand and share everything with me, including their time, but
it’s difficult to reach that level of depth that I crave in my
friendships. I want to be able to give
you my heart and receive some of yours as the foundation of a meaningful
connection that will last lifetimes.
Language and cultural differences serve as strong barriers to this kind
of closeness. I’m learning that the
kinds of friendships I am making are not in any way lesser in value to the ones
I have at home, but they’re just a different flavor. I also think this is a lesson that has been
packaged for me as a way to soften my heart and reveal my attitude towards my
relationship with my very Korean mother who shows love much in the way that
folks here do—food, time, gifts, service (it’s actually VERY similar to having
a lot of family around that you don’t really talk about anything substantial
with but you know will have your back at any moment). I will continue to work on this and hopefully
gain some humility in the process.
The other side effect from the miles between me and loved
ones from home is all the time alone I’m left with. There are no shows, parties, bars,
restaurants, etc. to go to, so my time outside of traveling is split between my
house, the boys’ house, and the market. As
much as I adore the HCC boys like my own brothers (I mean that with little
exaggeration), they are playful and energetic boys that can take a lot out of
you. After a morning full of grant
writing and planning and a few hours at the house, I find myself needing to
retreat to my haven of aloneness in the evenings. I have
been introduced to quiet and solitude I have talked about in previous posts
that has become somewhat…addictive. On
the weekends and during free hours, I hole myself up in my house reading,
concocting dishes masterpieces in the kitchen, sitting in silence, reading, drinking tea
with cream and sugar while reading, writing, and listening to audiobooks while
doing chores. It’s quite amazing. No social guilt compelling me to pull on
party pants when I just want to veg, no roommates I want to catch up with, nowhere
to even go if I wanted. I’m peeking into
the world of an introvert…and loving it.
I am recharging my batteries with rest and alone time instead of yapping
the night away. I have traded in my
dining out every night for discovering how to make home flavours I crave from the
ingredients I can find here (remind me to give you a really good popcorn recipe and how to perfectly pop non-microwave bag good stuff). Instead of
live music, movies, and Netflix, I am getting to know hundreds of characters
through my books. Excuse me while I do a
quick “I love reading” aside. I really
love to read. I love stories. Stories drive me in life—the stories of
people I meet, the stories that people create, inspirational stories of
extraordinary people, and crafting my own story. Unlike my sister, reading wasn’t my thing
growing up. I always loved interesting
plot lines and being read to, but I never had the patience for it and
interacting with breathing people always trumped ones painted with words. During university I discovered how much I really
love words, language, and writing. That
led me to loving other people’s writing and discovering interesting theories
and new worlds through symbols on paper.
IT’S SO COOL! You can go on adventures
through impossible worlds and meet the most dynamic and complicated people
without having to deal with their craziness in real life. It’s a shame we don’t have more time for
reading in our packed lives in the Western world. I feel so blessed to be forced into this
window of introversion and I truly am beginning to understand the power of
it. Having this space and time has
allowed for untainted introspection and reflection as well as an ability to relish in a
different kind of fun. A relaxing
fun. I would definitely welcome a friend
or two that I could have deeper conversations on a regular basis with, but
I am appreciating this new way of life for now.
 |
| Avocado and tomato toast with Sriracha and strawberry black tea! |
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| My version of Chinese food with a crap load of cashews. |
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| THE BEST MANGOES EVER. Sadly, I haven't seen them in the market since the day I bought them. |
Thank you for enduring this long-winded self-indulgent post,
but then again, you’re here on my blog to capture these musings so I suppose it’s
expected. Many people have asked what I’m
doing for the holidays, but it doesn’t feel much like Christmas around here at
all! It’s warm, there’s no Christmas
music, no commercialism being shoved down my throat, and it’s actually kind of
nice. Tuesday morning I’ll go down to
the boys’ house bearing chocolate chip banana bread and hot chocolate. I’ll go to church with some of the boys and
we’ll come back to do some presents and a big tasty lunch. The rest of the day will be full of hangs and
laughs I’m sure :) For New Year’s Eve, I’ve
been invited to a Peace Corps gathering by a PCV I was connected with but haven’t
actually met yet. I’m excited to be
around some Americans (I really haven’t met any here) and talk about American-y
things and speak American English! It
will be about 8-10 people at a guesthouse run by an RPCV right outside my
mailbox town. There will apparently be
beer and burritos aka the only things you need for a party. It was really nice of the guy to invite me
and I’ll be using all my gregarious ammo to take down all these strangers into complete
friendship domination.
I love you all. I
hope your days will be merry and bright.
Eat an extra Christmas cookie for me, will ya?! Happy Christmas! All I ask is that through the presents and
excitement, try to remember what this time of year is about :)
Love from Sandema,
Tippy
p.s. If you want to give a little to these AWESOME, RADDER THAN JETPACKS boys, here’s an
easy way: http://holidaysathorizons.causevox.com/
p.p.s. If you want to give a little to rebuild mud houses of
flood victims who really need help to get back on their feet (I’m talking on living
on a few cents a day), donate here and I’ll make sure the money goes directly
to the cause: http://g-roots.ca/?page_id=605
p.p.p.s Here’s an interesting
TED talk on introverts that my friend Alice reminded me to watch: http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html
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